What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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