who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
