Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
