I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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