what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
be right there i have to get my cape
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
