FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
