He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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