ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Randomize
