plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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