if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
NoShamevember. You game?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
