Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
