i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You're like the curious george of whores
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
