When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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