if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
