i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
