Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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