please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
