By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
