there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
