woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
