Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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