Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
