people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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