You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
