she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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