Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
