: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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