I'd wear matching sweaters with you
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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