for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
