i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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