my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
