I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
No stitches, just platelets and will power
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
