my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
