How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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