Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
