the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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