is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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