Three words: puerto rican gang bang
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
