My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
