We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
