no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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