I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
