You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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