omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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