just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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