You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
