do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
