thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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