idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
