im holly from the hills drunk
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
