Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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