....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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