I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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