I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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