I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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