FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We just shotgunned beers for America
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
