I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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