My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
