Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
