turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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