Someone shit on the floor
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Randomize
