They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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