Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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