my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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