Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
the day after is always just damage control
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
