sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
