i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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