K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
