Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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