i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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