put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
